Posts Tagged ‘bullying’

I realize it’s almost heretical for a female to even consider that feminism might not be all it’s cracked up to be, but maybe the time has come for those of us who remember what we’ve lost to pass those memories on to this generation.

Before you start in on me, I’m not against women being paid the same for doing the same job as a man.  I’m not against women having careers or doing work that used to be classified as “men only.”

But the feminism we see today has warped the way all of us view the term woman.  While I admit, not everyone grew up like I did, surrounded by men who valued women and believed it was honorable to respect them, but those of us who remember that type of treatment shouldn’t let die-hard feminists bully us into forgetting what this current brand of feminism has stolen from us.

Man tipping hatI remember the days when a man stood up when a lady entered a room, when he tipped his hat in respect when a woman walked by, when he opened doors, paid for meals, walked on the traffic side of the sidewalk, when saying no gave a woman honor instead of labeling her as a prude.  Sadly, this fervor for equality has stolen this type of respect for women in our society.

If you’re from my generation (50-something), you’ll likely remember the old TV show, Gomer Pyle, USMC.  You also probably remember the time when men treated women as something special.  If you’re less than 50, the episode mentioned below can show you what you’re now missing because of today’s version of feminism.  It clearly shows what the feminists of today eschew and, because of their own hatred of all things feminine, have stolen from all of us females.  This type of respect and honor is how men used to treat women.  Why wouldn’t any woman want a man to treat her like this?  Have we cut off our nose to spite our face?

(Sorry, but the YouTube video has been removed.  Here’s the IMDB info about it, though:  Captain Ironpants Episode )

In my previous post on Commercials: Misandry in the Media, I pointed out how a good number of commercials these days portray men as clumsy oafs who need women to fix the problems they cause.  The more research I’ve done, the more commercials I’m seeing that have no problem with portraying men as idiots or even displaying violence against men as acceptable.

Crumbling ManWhen you view commercials from this point on, I hope you’ll take a moment to imagine what would happen if the gender roles were reversed and males played the female parts and vice versa.  If the idea of a woman being treated as the man in the ad is angers you or sets off a cry of misogyny, then you have to admit it’s a display of misandry.  If a man punching a woman is not acceptable, then it shouldn’t be acceptable for a woman to punch a man.  If a man rolling his eyes in disgust at something a woman did is not acceptable, then it has to be equally unacceptable for a woman to roll her eyes in disgust at a man’s behavior.

Am I making more of this than there is?  I don’t think so.  Remember, I’m not talking about one commercial or even a handful, but I’m referring to a common practice in most commercials today.  For specific examples, I recommend the YouTube video series by Vinny Mac, Misandry in the Media.

I’ll admit that when it comes to sitcoms, I’m not up with the latest TV shows.  Several years ago, I realized the majority of sitcoms I saw were participating in a type of male-bashing that made me quite uncomfortable.  Now, I understand sitcoms are all about people doing silly things, but if we’re going to avoid either extreme of misogyny or misandry, the silliness needs to be equally distributed between the genders of the characters.

Back in the early ‘90s (1991-1994), we saw the Jim Henson Dinosaur family that gave us a recurring example of misandry by the baby and his reference to his father as “Not the Momma.”  Not only was the father denigrated as stupid and oafish, but he was so disrespected the child wouldn’t even call him Daddy.

As we peruse a listing of the common sitcoms in the 90s, we see several promoting smart women and stupid men:  Rosanne, Coach, Cheers, Designing Women, The Golden Girls, Murphy Brown, The King of Queens, and Everybody Loves Raymond (and don’t forget the short-lived Men Behaving Badly).  In each of these, the man was often wrong, stupid, messy, uncivilized, and the woman right, smart, clean, and civilized.  If there was a marriage relationship involved, the women ruled the house, and the man merely followed along with her leadership.

Of course, the long-running animated Simpsons is a perfect illustration of how the men in the family are the stupid ones and the women are smart.

Then we move into the 2000s with more men-bashing sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother, Scrubs, and Two and a Half Men to show us just how disgusting men can be.

In the 2010s, we have The Big Bang Theory to prove to us that even smart men are stupid inside, and Mike and Molly to remind us that women are really the smart ones in the relationship.

Are there women in sitcoms who are shown to be buffoons or less intelligent?  Yes, but the percentage overall is quite skewed.  If the antics of these sitcom characters was equally distributed between males and females, I wouldn’t be writing this post.  But this is not what we’ve seen.  We might see a mother or a wife used as the source of the humor in rare instances, but the great majority of laughter comes at the expense of the husband or father doing something idiotic that nobody would realistically do.

If you recall from my post about the different way men and women bully, I stated that girl bullies tend to use words and social belittling to inflict emotional pain on those they are bullying, so this is how women tend to perceive bullying, as verbal or social denigration.  Men, on the other hand, perceive bullying as a physical threat.

So when men are put down in sitcoms and commercials, who is receiving the message that men have less value than women?  Women in general and young girls specifically.  Verbal and social put downs are how women show disrespect for someone.  Portraying a man as oafish, or a slob, or unintelligent sends a clear signal to other women, including young girls, that the subject of that verbal or social put down is to be considered less valuable than other people (in this case, women).

My greatest concern with how men are portrayed in both sitcoms and in commercials is that it’s sending this subconscious message to young girls that men are less valuable and should be viewed as such by any real woman.

Is it sending a subconscious message to young girls that men are less valuable?

After years of this kind of treatment, some men are starting to realize the damage these verbal and social assaults are causing.  However, with the current brand of ultra-feminism, if men try to object to how they’re being portrayed, they’re likely to be accused of being misogynists or told to shut up.

When I started this series about misandry, I posed the following question in a closed writers forum I’m part of:

I’m working on a blog post entitled, “Misandry in the Media.” I’m interested in hearing opinions about whether you think misandry does or doesn’t exist in the media and if you see any connections with social trends that might be causing more or less misandry in the media.

That sounds rather noncommittal, I know, but I’d like to hear all sides of it (even though I do have an opinion of my own that is my starting point…I’d like to hear a variety of opinions). Since this could very well end up as a political brawl, please feel free to message me with your viewpoint instead of responding to this post.

Again, since this could end up being a very hot topic, I’m very open to people sending me messages instead of responding on the post.

Hope I don’t regret this.

I regretted it.

Over 200 pages of posts later (509 individual posts), I had heard more vitriol than I’d imagined existed in the world.  Because this was a closed forum, I’m not at liberty to directly quote anyone, but I’m going to include this video because it represents much of my experience.  (Warning:  Strong language…mostly by Feminists.)

My conclusions after reading the entire thread were similar to the conclusions of the man in the above video.  Feminists ignore and deny that any misandry exists, and anyone who suggests it becomes a target for their hatred.  (By the way, most of the women and men who expressed support for my idea that misandry exists did so in private messages to me instead of in the thread itself.  They told me they were not willing to be flamed for their opinions, which is what those brave souls who did post publicly experienced.)

But let me give you some statistics that might surprise you.

Did you know that (these are taken from here):

  • in 2010 the CDC’s report revealed that about 40% of rapists are women?
  • In a study of 7667 university students, 3% of men reported being victims of forced sex, but only 2.3% of women reported the same?
  • In correctional facilities, 94% of youth who are sexually abused within those facilities report it was done by female staff, even though only 40% of the staff is female?
  • Significantly more men are victims of violent crime than women?
  • If a man and a woman are arrested for the same crime, the woman will have a better chance of acquittal and receive a lighter sentence if found guilty merely because she’s a woman?
  • The suicide rate for men is three times that of women?
  • Most homeless people are men?
  • In 2009/2010, women received $57,562,373 from the government while men only received $1,516,460?
  • In custody battles, mothers are awarded primary custody in 68-88% of cases, with men coming in a distant second at 8-14%? (from the Huffington Post)

While Feminists might like to claim misandry doesn’t exist or that men are never discriminated against, the facts contradict that stance.

As Christians, we have to remember that this is not a power struggle where women have to rip power from men in order to build themselves up.  It’s about respect, and any loss of respect for one gender loses respect for the other gender as well.  Men and women were created equal in substance, both in God’s image, and as such, both men and women deserve respect.

Think back to your high school days to that one kid you could always count on to bully you around. What form did his bullying take? Chances are the response to that question might depend on which gender that bully was.Bullying photo

When it comes to bullying, there’s a tendency for males and females to both perceive and perform bullying differently.  A young boy grows up in a world with other boys who are stronger, taller, more muscular, and he learns to live with a threat of being physically hurt by these bullies.  Certainly, boy bullies will throw verbal insults at the boy victim, but the greatest fear the boy victim has is being pummeled or pushed or locked in a locker or having his head stuck in a toilet for yet another swirly.

Girl bullies, on the other hand, sport a different technique.  Their threats tend to be less physical and more social and emotional.  Girl bullies will spread vicious rumors, spout insults intended to ridicule the young girl victim, or orchestrate a social blacklisting program to exclude the girl victim from any groups she hopes might embrace her. Occasionally, girl bullies will bring out their fists, but the greatest threat a girl victim faces is social ostracization.

As we continue to look at misandry in the media, this gender difference will play an important role in how misandry is perceived.  A man might dismiss insults or ridicule as merely annoying and harmless, but a woman might see those same put downs as destructive. Given the gender differences between the general perception male and females have about bullying, how would misandry look to a man?  How would it look to a woman?

It seems to me that since men perceive bullying in a more physical sense, they might not consider a commercial that portrays men as oafish slobs offensive.  In researching this article, three men in separate emails used the phrase, “We men have broad shoulders.”  I don’t think that was by accident.  Let’s go back to the boy bully image.  What was the real threat the boy victim faced?  Physical danger.  Is it any wonder then that a continual denigration of males in the media flies under most men’s radar?

But if misandry exists in the media (obviously, I believe it does), it’s vital to ask who the targeted audience is and is the misandry affecting that targeted audience in any way?

Maybe the targeted audience isn’t men.  Maybe the audience this concentrated denigration of men is targeting is the half of our population who grew up with put downs and ridicule from girl bullies.  Is this type of misandry altering young girls’ perceptions of men in a way that engenders fear or contempt as they mature?  Is it a low-level flow of ultra-feminist thought that feels it must pull men down in order for women to be raised up?  Is it a pendulum swing by the die-hard feminists who don’t want equality, but superiority?

These are questions we must consider as we think through the undercurrent of contempt for men that flows through our various media outlets.